Dealing with growth, heartbreak, and transitions
It seems the only thing certain is there will always be August.
Dear reader,
To be transparent enough, July was a month of ups and downs.
I played shows in front of crowds who actually listened, who connected with my music. I got interviewed for my music by the one and only Mustard Off The Shelf. I visited my best friends in Asheville, we went for a hike with views that took my breath away and swam in a chilly river that also took my breath away. I caught up with sweet friends in Nashville, got coffee with a new friend. I got back into watercolor painting. I signed up for a half marathon. I had a photoshoot with KB from Tennessee for updated branding and a music project. I submitted and upcoming song for release. I pitched the song for review to several outlets. I found out the non-profit I work for is merging with a larger non-profit which means I will not have a job rather soon. Also, to keep things very vague, I went through a relationship shift that still has my heart breaking. We will have to wait and see what happens. I suppose I mean that for a lot of things I mentioned.
I had a grand letter planned out for you, one that mentioned the beauty of endings and beginnings but it felt forced and I truly don’t have it in me to be grand rightnow.
What I will share is this essay draft I wrote when pondering on why August is my favorite month. I thought maybe it was because it’s my birthday month—team virgo, thanks for asking. Upon reflection though, I realized a lot of hard stuff has happened in August. Deaths, beginnings, some lovely stuff too. August to me feels like a transition. It’s different than January, where you feel the weight of resolutions. August feels softer, gentler in it’s approach even if painful. I’m wondering if you’ve felt this way about August too? Or maybe specifically, this August you feel a transition happening?
Anyways, when I thought of August, there were a few moments that played out like a movie, all jumbled into one month, hard to distinguish if it even was in the past. I still feel it as if it was happening now. Maybe that’s what August does, stirs up the past so we can let go. One last glimpse of what was before we go inward.
August is where I was. August is where I am. August is where I’ll be.
An evening breeze carrying the sounds of the cricket’s grand finale. The last summer days at the lake. Back to school shopping. Nerves of excitement. My awkward first kiss—does it count if he missed and kissed my nose? The meeting of my first love. The ending of another great love. My birthday month. My sisters birthday month, dare you forget. My parents wedding anniversary. The funeral for Grandma Rosemary—my father passing me her rosary as he weeped into my shoulder. The sharing of a birthday cake with sister, a rarity on it’s own. My mother and father in the same room—I didn’t know that would be the last time. Plenty of birthdays I would have wished for something different knowing what I know now. The realization that you cannot wish for the past to come back—that’s not how it works. The beginnings. And endings. The shifting of seasons. Maybe I could have fought harder. Maybe I could have loved more. Maybe if I could have seen it coming I would have been more prepared. Maybe maybe maybe. But there will be more beginnings. And endings. And shifting of seasons. The crickets will sing. I will make more wishes. I will inevitably change and let go of something else—willingly or not. It seems the only thing certain is there will always be August.
August is where I was. August is where I am. August is where I will be.
Maybe this didn’t make much sense to you. Maybe you thought of your August moments too. Maybe you want to share in the comments? Preferably happy ones if you got them—I could use the pick me up.
Thank you for being a part of my August. More exciting news coming soon.
All my love,
Rosemary
P.s. aside from boosting my ego and helping me grow this community—subscribing will get future letters sent straight to your email. What are you waiting for? :D
August is my favorite as well. It feels the most like home. The most real. I am grateful for all my Augusts.