looking for beauty
how little joys will change the world
Dear reader,
As soon as I let myself feel any kind of contentment, it’s followed by guilt or a level of vigilance I’ve been accustomed to since I was a kid. Because how can I be happy when there are plenty of reasons to feel anger and fear in this world?
This morning I went for a walk with a friend and she too was feeling the weight of it all. She talked about how difficult it felt to show up and participate in something that should be bringing her joy but all she could feel was guilt about not being able to change the entire world. This friend is one of the most compassionate and giving people I know, so to hear her say that broke my heart a bit. The feeling was relatable and it made me think.
The reality is there are fires all around, there is fixing to do, and there is always going to be some type of war we are fighting. But when I take a moment to look around and see beauty, I’m reminded of what I’m fighting for.
I have plenty of reasons to see the ugly, to be angry, and that still remains. But I don’t think all change can come from anger. Some change needs to come from seeing the world in a different lens—starting with compassion for yourself.
Looking for beauty is this thread of hope I’m holding onto. These days, it’s been giving me a reason to wake up. Just last week, I found myself living in a world of gray, I felt like I was losing my grip. It took me a few days to pull myself out of that funk, and what helped? Looking for beauty.
I saw it in the way my friend’s face lit up when I made her laugh, I saw it in the way my candle flickered to the beat of the song I was strumming on my guitar, I saw it in a stranger offering a smile as I walked by them at the park. Once I started, I couldn’t stop—and why should I try to?
I don’t think looking for beauty should be seen as a way of ignorance. I think it’s a way to regulate ourselves back to ground zero so we can continue to do the work that matters to us.
I called these beautiful moments ‘little joys.’
Last week I baked a fresh strawberry buttercream frosted vanilla cake—little joy. I also bought myself gorgeous wildflowers that smell amazing—little joy.
Later, I’m going for a walk where nature will bring me lots of little joys. I’ll probably do some songwriting afterward for an upcoming album—big joy.
I write these letters like I’m talking to a friend, and I hope you read them like that. And if my friend told me they were feeling burnt out, like there is always something to do or be worried about, I would tell them I understand—all of that will still exist. At the same time I would ask, can you give yourself permission to have a little joy once in awhile?
All the love,
Rosemary